Song: Carnival of Rust - Poets of the Fall "It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed. All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need. I lust for after no disaster can touch us anymore. And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same as it was before Come feed the rain...'cause I'm thirsty for you love dancing underneath the skies of lust. Yeah feed the rain...'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust. Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning. Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning."
I haven't been on in forever. I just never have time, nor the energy. But I miss you all. Especially you.
I don't have much to say.
Movie: The Notebook "The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know weather they’ll miss you or forget you”
Song: Kaleidoscope Eyes - Panic at the Disco "When your chips are down, and your drinks are all gone, I'll still be here, wishing and waiting for you to come home. Kaleidoscope eyes, sparkle at the world. My emerald city, downtown girl, in the sickness of you I'm just a white blood cell: Fighting like hell for you."
I haven't made a set since the 16th. That's a really long time. It's fifteen days. But in those fifteen days, I've been really busy. We had our performance of Alice in Wonderland this passing weekend. It was stressful, but fun. I'm sad that it's over, but glad at the same time. It takes a lot out of a person with all those hours. Things have kind of sucked lately. I have to go to more therapy sessions, and now I have to take more medication. I'm still adjusting to the meds, so I guess my moodiness could be a cause of them. So, sorry in advance.
Uh, I don't want to share anymore.
Movie: Forrest Gump "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."
I'm falling even more in love with you, Letting go of all you've held onto. I'm standing here until you make me move. I'm hanging by a moment here with you.
This is probably going to be my only set for the week. I have midterms. D: I'm not worried for most of them, but I suck at math so I'm pretty much screwed there. Maybe I can get someone to help me study before...hm. I'm really, really tired. I haven't gotten much sleep this weekend. Not that I'm complaining though. It was so worth it. I swear, I fell in love with you all over again.
Today I slept in, cleaned up, took a nap, and then listened to music. In between I'd have a snack or something like that. xD It was a very busy day. And yes, that was sarcasm.
It's just a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was praying that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert. But I'm holding you closer than most, 'Cause you are my heaven.
It's my uncle's birthday, so I'm trying to keep myself distracted by helping with stuff. My uncle and his fiancee are going out to dinner tonight, then they're going to come back for my uncle's surprise birthday party. I told them that I'll get everything ready for when they come back. I even baked a big cake and some other things. I went shopping for some groceries and a present for him. I always hold off until the last minute because even if I know the person so well, I'm always scared I'll pick a gift they hate. But I think I did okay. I even got the puppies some new chew toys. So I feel rather accomplished.
Clara's asking if I want to do something soon, but I don't know if I am or not. I just don't think I can handle too much more of this pretend happiness.
He left. That was his mistake. I'm not the same little girl he can just spoil to get back on good graces with. I'm not going to be here when he gets back. And you know what? I think he knows that too. That this was the last straw for me. I'm done.
I think tonight is going to be an all nighter for me. I can't imagine sleeping right now, and I like being lost from the world with you. It's really nice.
I can't believe he did this to me. No goodbye, no nothing. Just up and left. What kind of person does that? A shitty one, that's for sure. I'm sick of shedding tears over him. I'm sick of him hurting me. I'm sick of him always picking her. I feel like I'm in a twisted version of Cinderella where the evil stepmother wins and she's forever trapped without a happily ever after in sight.
I didn't realize how much I missed you until tonight. You were my white knight tonight, so thank you. You got me away from my life for a while. And you even watched a chick flick for me. :D
I'll try to fix you. - Happy friday the 13th people!! (: Even though I don't like scary movies, my friend and I have this ritual where we'd hang out with each other all night and have a scary movie marathon. It's our own tradition. But I guess tradition's are easy to break. He's got his girl now, so they're at his house doing their own thing. Which leaves me, the best friend, alone. Because he forgot to cancel.
All in all, my mood has gone way down. I don't like missing you like this, and getting so freakin jealous.
"Don't you dare look out your window darling, Everything's on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold onto this lullaby even when the music is gone. Gone....gone........." ~ Safe and Sound ~ -- I really did want to make a real set, but I just couldn't focus enough to do it. That seems to be happening a lot lately. I can't focus on anything, and I feel horrible all the time. I think I might need a new type of meds.
I don't know why, but it's like I don't want to be around people that much anymore. Every thing is making me angry, or annoyed, or just plain upset. I can't stand the cafeteria. I can't even eat most of my lunch. I just walk around mostly. It helps me clear my head and think.
I wish things could be different. But I've been wishing that for a long, long time so I doubt it'll come true now.
This is my first set of the New Year. I was going to make a New Year's set for y'all, but I was just way to tired to get all fancy. So, sorry. xD
I'm going back to sitemodels. New change for the new year. What do y'all think of her??
I'm really excited for this year. I'm ready for some change. Well, not exactly change, more like some normal. I'm ready for things to go back to normal with my life. I really, really miss my dad, even if he's the biggest jerk I know right now. But he's still my dad, you know?
I've been so stressed with my family stuff. To top that off, I've been having to stay after school every day for rehearsals and I'm getting a bunch of homework before Midterms. Woot woot. -.-
My best friend who y'all know as either Darcie or Lynnie, and I were talking a few nights back. We were talking about the future, and what we saw for each other. It really got me thinking who I really wanna be. I got to be realistic with my life. There isn't a prince who's going to sweep me off to a castle where we'll live happily ever after. I'm the one who has my future in my hands.
I know, when I'm ready and married, I want a little girl. I want to raise her right, show her the joys of the world like my mama wanted me to see. I guess why I want a girl so bad is because I want to have that relationship I've always wished for with my mom, and if I have a girl maybe I can fill it, but in a different position. Food for thought.
Speaking of food...I've been eating apples pretty much non stop. They're addicting to me right now. I have no idea what's going on. Even now, my mouth is watering for one. Darn it.
Jeremy and I are...er, I don't even know how to explain this because I don't know myself. I used to think that he was an open book, but it seems that I was the open book while he's the book you really want on the top shelf but you're too short to get.